A New Year…No Fear

007

A magnet came in my Christmas stocking: “do one thing every day that scares you”…and I immediately said yes that is my New Years Resolution.  Should be everyone’s resolution.  Maybe not James Bond type adventure; not scare the shit out of us scary and dangerous, but put the fears in life aside and live life.

It might be something adventurous like skydiving or mountain climbing. Enter a contest or a race.  Say yes to that adventure when offered.

How about dance like a fool in public or jump on a stage and sing.  If you’re called to the dance floor…go out there and who cares what anyone thinks.

Might be changing your look, or buying something new you never thought you would.  Wear a fun, crazy or sexy outfit you never would have before.  Impulse buy!

Maybe tackle a new challenging project, start a new hobby, take on a new career or volunteer somewhere you never thought you would.

Talk to that person you’ve been wanting to talk to or talk to the one you never thought you would want to talk to.

It’s trying those things you’ve been wanting to do all this time and overcoming the little tug of fear that has kept you from trying.  Nothing is ever going to change in life if we do the same things we’ve always done.  Fear conjures up many excuses and these excuses always give us a reason to never take a risk and always play it safe.

No, these opportunities that may scare me won’t come up everyday, but when they do, big or small, I think I’ll go for it and give it a try.  Maybe it won’t be anything monumental…something small or maybe it will be life changing.  I may laugh at myself or feel proud of myself, but I can say, Hey, I gave it a shot!  The magnet is on my fridge…there for me to see every day of this New Year.

Living Your “Un-lived” Life

“We all hurt in silence, but silence is too loud sometimes. Too much silence will make you deaf.” – Anonymous

She sits at her desk, doing her job she is so good at…she has her head in her hands.  “Is this all life is?  There has to be more than this”.  She lives for her her husband and children, the home she created with her family, her job she dedicates so much time and energy to and the routine she created.  She loves her life and her family dearly, she feels fortunate, even though there are days she feels unappreciated… she knows there is a part of her life she is not living.  What does she want?  Maybe just more time, freedom to put aside the mundane routine and enjoy life a little more; laugh a little more.

He loves his family, loves his job even though it consumes more time than he ever knew.  He tries to make time for himself when he can, although difficult anymore. He loves his children and his wife.  He works out, eats well…tries to look good for her, but she doesn’t even notice him anymore. He just wants to run and run…

She’s worked so hard, gave up so much…maybe too much to her, but she hopes she is on the right path.  She is balancing a job and a business on limited time and funds.  She is almost at her wits end though.  She has a mental overload…needs a vacation? more money? can’t get either.  She needs a new job, a man, a new place to live, a whole lot of luck…needs something to go right before she goes crazy.

Growing older, the woman he has loved for so many years may not be the woman that will grow old with him.  He has dreams that she wants no part of…she has her own life, which he doesn’t seem to be included in anymore.  He wants to work on that bucket list…live at a beach, scuba dive, hike a mountain…anything, but he did not want to do it alone.  This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

She sits on the floor, crying and staring at the canvas.  Cannot get it together, cannot get inspired.  There is no time to create a painting anymore and when there is time, the creative flow just isn’t there.  Her real job, the one that pays the bills, consumes a lot of time and takes away the mental energy from what little time her creative energy allows.  She feels she cannot make the break from this job to live another life…what will happen if she does?  Life has become such a routine anymore.  She knows she needs to make changes; preaches it, even.  She is afraid.  Everything else in her personal life is wonderful, she has fallen in love, made a lot of positive changes in her life,  but still needs this one thing to fulfill this too long lifelong dream.

She knows she has to lose weight, feels bad all the time and hates looking in the mirror anymore.  And to even think about shopping for fall clothes…well that just won’t happen.  She knows she needs to eat better and exercise, but it all just seems too overwelming.  It’s hurting her relationship too because he doesn’t even care about himself anymore to care about her.  And he won’t even try with her so why bother? She sees other people’s success, but buries herself in her lack of self-esteeem.  She is trying to reach out.

She loves somebody else and has for a long time, but she cannot bring herself to even tell him…cannot endure the crushing pain of possible denial.  It’s killing her inside…she just wants a life with him, but that may never happen.  So she continues on with her life feeling alone inside; afraid to love anyone else that may come along because they don’t compare to him.

She stays in an unhappy marriage.  Works her little job for extra money…it’s not enough to live on.  She suffers through abuse and feels trapped.  This was supposed to be forever wasn’t it.  She’s lost her independence and can’t even remember what her dreams were anymore.  Career? Hobbies?…they ceased to exist anymore and now how does she get them back?  She lives in silence.

He has found the love of his life, the woman he will grow old with and share dreams with, but hates his job.  He tries to like it, does well at what he does; it pays the bills and buys them some fun extras in life, but this job has carved a huge crater in his mental being.  He feels incomplete because of it.  He’s not even sure what direction to take, but doesn’t want to wake up one day with regrets.  He doesn’t want to just share dreams with her, he wants to live those dreams.

Each situation represents several people I know or have come in contact with…and oddly enough most of the conversations I’ve had have been in the past couple of weeks, like I was meant to hear their heartbreak. I felt it.  When we think we are the only ones with problems and then realize too many people are not living the life they wish…all in the same situation, it makes it even more dismal.  I think too many people with this struggle are (as the book says) “fifty shades of fucked up”.  We all share similar problems and many are looking to live that “un-lived” life…that is the missing piece to the puzzle of life that could possibly give us complete happiness. We are afraid to make changes in our life…afraid to let our weaknesses show.

It’s time to move past the road blocks we’ve created for ourselves and really examine the life we want to live.  We have to prove our independence to ourselves by stating the changes we wish to make and actually following through with them.  It’s time come off auto-pilot and take time to enjoy this life we have.

If the life you lead and the life you wish to lead are far apart then find what you need to do to make them closer and hopefully overlap, so the once “un-lived” life is now your real-lived life.  I have made many small changes in the past several years and a few monumental ones.  My real life and the “un-lived” life I longed for were so distant it seemed unattainable.  I’ve shortened that distance a lot…not quite there yet, but I feel so close to living the life I always thought I should live.  Call it finding yourself or changing your reality.

Call it a new beginning.  Yes, find that one or two or five parts of your life that do not complete your happiness and throw them aside one by one or all at once. Remove the people, jobs, poisons, negative energies that are holding you back. It’s time for positive changes and thinking…time to set goals, make plans, take chances.  You deserve it don’t you?  Do you think the grand plan for your life is that you really deserve unhappiness? Deserve unsatisfaction? Deserve struggle? Deserve fear?  I don’t.

Live Your Passion

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.

Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

They somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs

One of my favorite quotes lately that I read and re-read…”follow your heart and intuition”.  I have done that in most parts of my life and have succeeded with happiness.  Most.

Then I I realized today that writing a blog is like artwork…you need to be inspired.  When I felt like I had no direction, I came across a list that I wrote down (from where I can’t remember) and thought I would share for a little inspiration.  This is definitely a list I will elborate on later:

How we look and feel is a result of how we live and how we live is a product of everything we do. Go to work, cook, clean, work out, errands…busy, busy.  But do you keep your personal commitments to yourself?  And of those personal commitments, which is the most important to you?  Are you willing to sacrifice other unwanted, but committed, parts of your life to make room for this important part of your life.  So how do you get to that point in your work life or personal life or healthy life?…follow these steps:

1. Look for someone that has the life you want to live or the career you want to have.

2. Know when your time is up.  You will know if something is forever or for a short time.  If you feel it is time to move on from a situation then it is.

3. Make a clean break from your current situation.  Yeah this would be the hardest for many to do, but sometimes if this is never done you will never pursue your passion.

4. Make a point to tell yourself, write down and tell others what your intentions are.  This gets the wheels rolling and keeps you focused.

5. Be brave…life will not end when you make a drastic change.  We all know it is easier to stay in a unhappy situation than to endure something where the outcome is unknown.  It’s why you stay in jobs and relationships even though it makes you unhappy.

6. Create opportunities for yourself. Seek, explore and give it a try.  Put yourself out there…if you don’t you won’t succeed.  If you don’t create your own opportunity you will end up doing what someone else wants you to do…again.

7. You cannot succeed how you truly want if someone controls your time and actions.  This applies if you are indeed an independent person and success comes on your own terms.

8. Do not perfect something you do not like to do.  This is where you again get stuck.  This also means not saying yes to every offer that comes to you if you are indeed not interested.

9. If you want to change your life, don’t just do something different…BE someone different. Take a leap to that new you.

10. Run with that passion of yours whatever it is.  This is your time to make it succeed.  Solve a problem, provide relief to other’s problems, find a platform to build upon and be everywhere.  Change your attitude, your goals and your life.  Create that happiness. Love and be loved.

Live your “un-lived” life!

Be Prolific, Not Perfect

“Rabbit’s clever,” said Pooh thoughtfully.
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit’s clever.”
“And he has Brain.”
“Yes,” said Piglet, “Rabbit has Brain.”
There was a long silence.
“I suppose,” said Pooh, “that that’s why he never understands anything.”
– A. A. Milne ~ Winnie-The-Pooh

Just a thought tonight.

(And who wouldn’t want to hear a quote from Winnie the Pooh and Ghandi in the same post?!)

We do this to ourselves and mostly others convince us of this…be perfect.  Be disappointed in yourself if you are not perfect.  Wow, how messed up!  I do this to myself in my art…trying to make it perfect, but why?  Will it be worth more? Or is it just to make me feel better about myself…make it look like I tried harder, but only to myself.  When I just have to look at my painting and say Yeah, looks pretty damn good and I’m done. Sign it and it’s over.

Some are so busy trying to be perfect that they self-destruct or fail miserably.  They are so consumed with their perfection they would rather lose a relationship, lose respect or lose composure than to be seen as imperfect.

For others sometimes I see this fear they have of what “they”, will think of them.  “They” can be family, friends or people you don’t even know.  I see people judge and be judged all the time. Hell, I see it on Facebook daily…wear this…this job is better than yours…you can’t be in this type of relationship…you must believe my religion…you must vote for my guy…the “you are wrong I am right” attitude.  How pompous!  They don’t say these things because they care or really want to give guidance. This person can believe what they want, but they don’t need to impose it on others to make you perfect in their eyes. People want to tell you how to live your life; if what you do is acceptable to them.  If you allow them to run your life, first they will feel they need to control everyone else in their lives in the same manner, and second you will not be living your own life.  This person cannot tell you how to dress, what job you should have, who to vote for, what God to believe in, how much money you should make, or what relationship is perfect for you in their eyes.  You live this life to be happy…to love yourself…to love others…a self-satisfying life.  Don’t question yourself because of the intrusion of others thoughts, live your life according to your own beliefs and believe me happiness and inner peace will prevail.

We need to be creative to the best of our abilites…be productive in all that we do….live a life that completes us.  And just stop and be satisfied that we have done our best according to ourselves, be happy with what decisions we make and know we don’t have to be perfect.  We can make mistakes and still succeed knowing we were prolific and not perfect.

And yep, be happy with the work we did, sign the painting and move on.

 A “No” uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a “Yes” merely uttered to please,

or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

~Mahatma Gandhi